Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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