how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
