he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
