i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize