My first STD was from a foam party
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
