My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
