I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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