Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
