i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
