Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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