I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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