and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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