you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
