I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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