The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
