with your own penis?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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