STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
