they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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