If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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