Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
