Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
