Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize