I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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