can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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