my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
