Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
tequila makes me forget i have legs
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
