Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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