If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
