he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
