SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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