I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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