So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
