A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
