Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm way too hungover for life right now
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize