The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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