Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
