Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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