guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
