i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
