Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
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