I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize