escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
