just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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