I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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