you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
