i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
