I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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