I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
