my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
