We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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