I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
