Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
