i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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