you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
