I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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