About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize