at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Blood and glitter go together right?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize