cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
