There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
