Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Randomize
