you guys were way drunker than both of me
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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