FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
