Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
