ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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