i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
