I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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