Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
