I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
