Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
