ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
