I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
