I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
