I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
