So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
