addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
