she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she looked like the before picture.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
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