So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
