dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize