My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
A+ Viking dick
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
