The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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