the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We just shotgunned beers for America
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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