she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
