Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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