once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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