How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Someone came in the potted fern
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
