I wish I only lived at night.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
