I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
