the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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