hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
