just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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