why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
