Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
