marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
