Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
