if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
