is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You left your phone here
Wait...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
