i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
4 words: hood of his car
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
