he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Drunk is a universal language darling
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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