I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
