We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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