True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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